A year ago today a life was taken and a movement was started. As I’m sure you are aware, it’s the anniversary of George Floyd’s murder. As I reflect on this past year, I can’t help but wonder what has changed in that year? I’ve changed. I’m forever changed (I hope). I am less angry but more strong, in speaking up and speaking out. I’ve continued teaching, learning, discussing, and organizing. I march less but I write more. But what else has changed?
Police are still killing black people at a disproportional rate. White family, friends, coworkers, strangers still say they aren’t racist even while they use terms like “ghetto,” “the race card,” “color blind” and deny their own racism. White people are still out there denying they have privilege, still not getting that it doesn’t mean their life wasn’t hard but that the color of their skin made their challenging path degrees easier. There is report after report after report of school districts in the state trying to keep their white-washed history intact, pushing back on their children learning the true history of our country, learning about systemic racism or the reality of what it means to be BIPOC in this country. Nothing has changed.
I read an article today called “It Turns Out, All Those 'Woke' White Allies Were Lying.” In it the author, rightfully angrily, speaks of all that has and hasn’t happened in the past year. White people and corporations have let their support fade of BLM. As a matter of fact, support of BLM is even lower than before George Floyd’s murder. Many people and corporations have backtracked on their convictions and promises. Employers haven’t changed their hiring practices or the discrepancies in the pay of BIPOC. For many, support for black lives was a marketing campaign and a way for all white people to think “wow, I’m a good person” but have since done nothing or have left their conviction fade away. In short, they lied.
Yet, I hold onto hope that some hearts and minds have changed for good. In the past year, I’ve held more discussions, bookclubs, and events about racism than I ever have in my life. I hold onto the hope of that. In a note from one white man at work, he told me that the study groups are making all people in our department better and changing lives. I don’t know if he knows how much I hang onto those words when I fear that the “woke” white allies were all lying when they supported black lives, when I feel hopeless that things will ever be better. His words give me hope and I read them often. I know he is changed. I know he is raising white children in a white world who will grow up to not be color blind, to be allies, because of the learning their dad has done this year. As I try to remind myself, one life, one mindset change can have a ripple effect beyond what we will ever know. I choose to hang onto the little victories in a very long war whose end is not yet in sight. I chose to believe the tides may be changing even if it is one ripple at a time. I choose to believe that we are not all liars, we have not all exhausted our energy and gone back to enjoying our whiteness. I choose hope.
I haven’t let my energy up and I hope I never do. I won’t let myself go back into my cocoon of privilege. See, I can choose whether or not to engage in this work, whether or not to see and address racism. That’s what it means to be white, to have white privilege – I have a choice. BIPOC do not. They have to face racism every day whether they want to or not. It's not a war they choose to fight, it's a war they are born into. That is the difference. That is white privilege. But, I chose to continue the work no matter how difficult it is, how many friends I lose, how many tears I shed. I am white and I can choose to turn my back on racism but I won’t. I choose to stand up against it, to amplify black voices, support black businesses, continue to call out racism, continue to learn, continue to teach, continue to write. I will stay energized. That is my promise in memory of George Floyd, all others before and since, my friends, my coworkers, my fellow citizens. I will not be a liar.
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