I started this blog many months ago writing about being a "waking white" rather than being a "woke" one. I've never liked that word because it feels like an end state. If I'm woke, I have nothing left to do. I've arrived. I am fully past the racism that I have been enculturated with from birth. I no longer benefit from white privilege. I no longer benefit from or contribute to, knowingly or unknowingly, systemic racism. What utter foolishness! None of these are true. I haven't arrived at some destination and my work on myself will never be done. When the young black man runs across the street in my direction, my automatic, visceral reaction is fear. That happened just weeks ago. All these years of work, all this reading, writing, teaching, learning. All of this and that was the unconscious reaction I found myself having at that moment. All of this.
My work is never done. A couple weeks ago, after visiting George Floyd Plaza for a second time, I posted this on my personal FB page "White allyship is something I reflect on and write about a lot. I appreciated today that the George Floyd Memorial now has guidance for white allies. I saw this post just yesterday. #10! (referring to the image with this post) Too often white people tell me “I’m not racist because...”. Yes, you are. Yes, I am. We are enculturated to be so and we will always have to fight our unconscious bias, institutional racism, and the white privilege we were born into. As “woke” as I am, I know this is a struggle for a lifetime, not for a day. If this “woke” white person can admit her racism, so can you. It’s not your fault but it is your responsibility, once you truly understand, to fight against it each and every day!"
I first started to understand the damage that well-meaning white people can cause when reading Robin Diangelo's book "White Fragility: Why It's So Hard For White People To Talk About Racism." She describes a term called "aversive racism." She describes aversive racism as existing "under the surface of consciousness because it conflicts with consciously held beliefs of racial equality and justice." It allows one to maintain your positive self-image, to feel like you're one of the good ones, a white person who gets it and isn't racist. This is also part of what she describes as the "good/bad binary." People who are racist are bad and since I'm good, I must not be racist. These are white people who think they are woke but like me, like all of us, still hold unconscious bias. By considering themselves out of the water we all swim in, free from all bias, separate from racist institutions and power, they don't have to examine their own racist thoughts, attitudes, biases, beliefs. They don't have to examine how their well-meaningness may be hurting people of color, furthering their own racism, or contributing to systemic racism.
In her book, "Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor," Layal F. Saad calls this "white exceptionalism," the belief that you are "exempt from the effects, benefits, and conditioning of white supremacy and therefore that the work of antiracism does not real apply to you." But it does. If we are ever truly going to be in a post racist society, we all need to do this work. Racism is, after all, a white problem, not a black problem. We created it, whether our ancestors were on this land or not, racism is at the foundation of this country. Our black and brown fellow Americans are still suffering under it. It is our problem to solve.
I am not exceptional. I will fight my own racism every day for the rest of my life. But fight it I will. I ask you to join me. First, if you are white, acknowledge that you are racist. Yes, you are. It's okay. Once you say it, you will actually feel a sense of freedom in it. You will no longer need to expend energy convincing yourself and others that you are not racist, and in acknowledging it, you can now truly fight it. Use your energy for that, for doing this work every day.
Austin Channing Brown wrote "White people desperately want to believe that only the lonely, isolated 'whites only' club members are racist. This is why the word racist offends 'nice white people' so deeply. It challenges their self-identification as good people, Sadly, most white people are more worried about being called racist than about whether or not their actions are in fact racist or harmful." By admitting your racism, you are now free to spend your energy on what really matters - doing the work. Examine your biases, your actions. Learn, listen, speak up. Never stop. Sometimes I feel powerless to do anything about racism. It is so big, so institutionalized, so systemic. But I can. We can. One person, one thought, one action, one word at a time. Let's do this!
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